Raiser Blade





By: Kimberly L. Keith




























I walk in the door set my bag down and sit on the couch. My stomach is killing me. I don't know why. It just happened I was fine one minuet then the next I feel like someone just stabbed me right in the middle of the stomach. I get up and walk over to the dinning room table that is piled high with garbage. We never use the table its more like just there.
On the edge of the table there is a raiser blade. Its one of those box cutter blades. I look at it while it sits there. I imagine what it would feel like to just cut my arms just a little bit. I hear about it all the time at school but never really thought about it till now. Felicia says that it doesn't hurt. So I think about it for sec then think nah I'm not going to think about that. I try to get my mind off of it by listening to my CD player.
I just can't take my mind off of it. It's stuck in my head. So I get up then think for a sec then sit back down. I can't decide on what to do. I try to keep my self occupied so I don't think about it but nothing helps. I'm telling my self no but my mind is saying "go a head, it don't hurt just a little bit ". No matter what I do I just can't stop thinking about weather I should just grab the blade real quickly do it then set it back down like it never happened.
So finally I just pick up the blade go into the bathroom just incase my mom walks in the door and sees me doing it. I go in the bathroom, shut the door, and lock it. I lean over the sink and think for a sec. Then I cautiously place the blade on my wrist. Then I dig down into my skin and I start to move the blade. It makes a cut that doesn't look so bad. I look up and I start to gat dizzy. I look at my wrist I see blood poring over my arm into the sink. It's bleeding really fast. And I can't get it to stop bleeding so I lean up against the door and fall tot the ground still holding my arm. It stings it doesn't hurt it just stings a little bit.
I don't concentrate on the sting just the blood that is now taking up the cloth. I just let it go and let the blood drip down. I pass out and every thing goes blank. When I wake up I'm still on the floor and my arm is covered in blood. My mom is pounding on the door. She asks what I'm doing I say nothing and jump up and wash down my arm really quickly. I through away the bloody towel and pull my sleeve over my arm. And I walk out the door and just pretend nothing ever happened.
I run up to my mom give her a kiss and run up stairs. I try and act like nothing happened. I'm guessing it worked she didn't say any thing to me. She didn't ask what happened or any thing.
I jump on my bed and I just fall a sleep.





















CHAPTHER
1
REHAB



I was in the hallway on my way to my next period class when I see Felicia. She runs up to me and I look at her face she was crying. I asked her what was wrong. Felicia said "my mom found out about me cutting". I say "OMG what's she going to do about it". She says "she's sending me to rehab" I say "what's that". She explains "rehab is a place for people who have "problems"".
Alls I can say is "wow". I think for a sec then I pull up my sleeve and show her my arm she sees to big bright red cuts going around my wrist. She starts to cry even more and says "why what made u do this" I try to explain to her what happened and she just says "do you want to end up like me". I start to cry she hugs me and say "you need to stop don't do it again promise me" I say "ok, ok I wont even think about doing it again I swear". She says "thanks".
When I'm on my way to class I think about how rehab would be like. Is it just for retarded people? Or is it for like people who can't control there self or what. I don't know what to think right about now. I say to my self "I promised Felicia I wouldn't think about it". But I can't get it off my mind. So I just start to concentrate on my work and not about my arm. I look at my arm and it looks worst than it did the day before.
It's starting to confuse me I don't know what to do right now. I promised to not even think about it but I just can stop.
Now its free period, free period is when you get to do what ever you want. It's like study but study u have to stay in one class that you are assigned free period you get to go were ever you need or want to go. You get to roam the halls. Well during my free period I went to my guidance counselor to talk to her about rehab and cutting and stuff like that. I was asking questions like. Well just weird questions, questions that had no meaning to.
I was thinking about telling her about my arm. I was going to but then I stopped my self and thought about what Felicia's mom did to her. I didn't want to go through that. So I set up a schedule as to when I can go see her. We set it up so that I see her every other day. When I was walking down the hall I herd "hey Clarisa" I turned around and no one was there. So I walked some more and I herd "hey Clarisa over here". Then I saw who it was it was Eric he wanted to see if I was ok. So we talked for a while and he gave me a hug. As he was walking away he turned around and said "hey Clarisa do you want to go to the mall with me later". It took me awhile but I finally turned to him and said "yea I'll go with you sure". Then he said ok umm I'll call you. I said yea ok. He gave me another hug and walked down the hall way.
I was so happy that he asked me to go to the mall with him. I have liked him for so long. I don't know if he knows about it but I really do like him. Every one says that we would make a cute couple but I don't think so he's to hot for me. I don't know we might.
When I get home I tell my mom to try and keep the line open because I have some one calling. So I run up stairs and I lay on my bed I stare up at the sealing I count all the cracks on my sealing. Finally he calls and we talk for hours. Then I just go out and say "will you go out with me" he pauses then finally he says "yes I would like to go out with you". So I said cool thanks so he says well I got to go but will see you to more at school ok bye. I am so happy now. I have been crushing on this guy for like ever.
So when I get back to school Clarisa isn't in home room. So I ask the teacher if she was in the roster the teacher said "no she never showed up for home room class and I haven't seen her in today" I have a worried look on my face. I start to leave when she says "are you okay" I say "yea I'm fine" I run down the hall and I go to the pay phone on the second floor. You're not supposed to use it unless it's an emergency. But oh well. So I call Clarisa's house and she answers crying. I say "what's wrong" she says in a soft voice "she's sending me away" then I say wait what. Then I hear her mom in the back ground saying "you're not supposed to be on the phone". Then I hear a Big *slap*. Then the phone clicks off. I drop the phone and run to my counselor. Slam the door open and say "she took her away from me". I'm crying she says "here have a seat". I sit down and I rock back and forth in my seat. She says "who took who away" I say in a loud voice "Clarisa she's gone. Her mom put her in rehab she's gone". She says "oh my gosh now when did this happen" I explain to her what Clarisa told me.
After I'm done she says "well I am really sorry to just kick you out but I have to go to a meeting". So I say "ok then" she says "but I promise that I will talk with you tomorrow about this. So I leave then she says "I promise". Go to class and I see Eric he says "hey babe what's up"
He walks up to me and gives me a big hug and a kiss. "Hey you still up for the mall I was thinking maybe we can go to the movies instead" I start to cry "oh I'm so sorry" "what's wrong sweetie" I say in a soft voice "Clarisas gone" Eric says "Huh, what, when did this happen" I say still crying "her mom put her in a rehab and I'm never going to get to see her ever again". Eric grabs me and gives me a big hug and says "Oh I'm like so sorry really I am".
He walks me to class and gives me a big hug and a kiss and says "It'll be ok I promise" "thanks" I say. I think after he says that a lot of people have promised I'll be ok I've herd that a lot. First I hear it from Clarisa, then Ms.Sookie, and now Eric wow I hope every thing dose go okay.
So I walk in the class and Mr. Berks says "well it nice of you to join us take your seat" I just stand there. "Miss I said take your seat". I try and find a seat closest to the back.
I thought am I going to be okay? Is Clarisa going to be okay? What goes on in rehab? When I get home Clarisa is sitting in my living room with my mom on the couch. So I drop my bag on the floor and run over to Clarisa. I ask "are you ok? What happened? Why are you here?" Clarisa is still crying and I look at her face and she's got a big red mark on it. Clarisa says "well my mom slapped me in the face when I hung up with you" "so I ran to my room and climbed out the window then came here".
"So your not going to rehab" my mom says "rehab what's this talk about rehab you never said any thing about rehab Clarisa" Clarisa "Um well I failed to tell you that my mom was trying to send me to rehab because I was cutting". My mom says to Clarisa "aw Clarisa why did you come out this way" Clarisa "what do you mean?" Mom "I've known you since you were in dippers I never thought that you were going to be this way" Clarisa looks down at the floor. My mom says to Clarisa "well I have to agree with your mom on this one you have to go to rehab this will end you the wrong way when you get older".
Me and Clarisa walk up the stairs and go to my room Clarisa says "you have to help me please I can't go there I've herd things about this place". "They watch your every move. You can't have any thing to your self you are never left allown there are no doors nothing" "I can't go there you can't let them make me please HELP ME" I say to her I'm sorry but I can't do any thing to help you" "I'm sorry really I am". I go down stairs. Then I talk to my mom I say "mom you can't make Clarisa go can you talk to her mom please". My mom says "Honey I'm sorry I am but there's nothing I can say to her mom that will change her mind". So I look out the window and I see Clarisa running out of the yard.
I yell to her and she starts to run faster and faster. So I jump in my car and I go looking for her. I can't find her so I call all of my friends. They all say "yea sure we'll call you no problem". So I wait and wait then I get a call from Eric "yea she just left" then I say "do you know where she said she was going to be going next". Eric says "yea she said some thing about when she was 5 and you guys made a club house". So I say "oh why didn't I think of it at first gosh I'm stupid ok thanks love yea talk to you later". When I hang up with him I jump in my car. It's down pouring so I go to our old club house and yup she's there.
She's up in the old club house she's all curled up in a corner. So I go up to her and sit next to her I start talking about when we build the club house. She starts to laugh then I say, you know that you have to go to rehab ok I'm really sorry but you do have to go, she says, well I'll consider it ok I'll think about it, well you have to go home, no you can't make me" My moms not going to let you stay with us you have to go home with your mom. She says in a low voice, okay I'll go.
I'll stay with you okay



I wrote this story

Its not done though 

 Ohio is for lovers

 I love alternative music it helps me get throught the day!!